Brooke Anne- a celestial soul

Brooke Anne is the youngest of my four natural children. She is a beautiful, 25 year old, young lady who just happens to have Autism. I don't mean the Autism of today where every child/person who exhibits any characteristic or symptom or behavior of the "autism spectrum" may be called Autistic. She is severely Autistic.

She has very little verbal speech- only a few partial words- but she does understand most of what is being said to her. She uses a little, basic sign language to help communicate her basic wants/needs.

She doesn't read or write (that we know of) although she recognizes certain words, signs (K-Mart -where she loves to get icees) and given assistance she can put simple functional sentences and requests together on her communication book/board. Her overall behavior is sometimes that of a very young child and sometimes a very astute young lady. She doesn't have a lot of control over her emotions- she cries, yells, laughs, pouts, smiles- y'know- whatever she feels, she shows. She does have a hard time communicating - 'specially when she is hurting or scared or something. Those of us who are with her a lot can read her or understand her most of the time though.

She does have her own unique sense of humor- her own taste in music- her own preferences for toys or activities-even people. She is a delightful, funny, warm, and loving person. Once you are accepted and loved by Brooke Anne- it is forever! She doesn't forget the people or family who are a part of her life.

I have learned a lot over the years- raising and knowing her has been such a challenge- but, oh, the joy and the honor that has come with being her Mom. She has taught me the importance of so many things-and I have been blessed a thousand fold because of her. The deep, agonizing pain of sending her to a group home has never quite diminished, but the reward has been seeing her progress and accomplish more than she might have if she had not had that opportunity. Besides- she is loved there- and she is content.

There are many things that we all take for granted-simple things that hardly get a second thought. Talking- communicating- imagine not being able to express yourself so others can understand. Hearing-understanding- imagine not understanding the world around you- the confusion of noises-sights-people-smells- none of it really making sense in your brain. Holding down a job- basic functional skills/tasks- imagine taking years to learn basics of dressing/self-hygiene/using utenstils to eat/all the things we learn easily as toddlers took her years of special programs-education and still she struggles and has to have assistance with nearly every aspect of her life.

How blessed are we who are "normal"- with our senses, our capabilities, our limbs, our health- our intelligence...... need I go on?

But- oh how blessed are we who have a soul such as Brooke Anne in our family- in our midst! To

be in her presence is to be in the presence of a celestial soul. In the middle of a wild tantrum- in a moment of peace and quiet- there is always the knowledge and light of knowing who she really is and how close to the veil- to heaven and our Heavenly Father and Christ she is every single moment of her mortal journey.

I remember one Fast Sunday, years ago, she was about 7, we were all in church together-sitting on the back row in case we had to make a quick get-away :) - I challenged one of her brothers to go bear his testimony and added the little gibe- "do it for your sister, Brooke Anne"- well, he said to me, "No, why doesn't she bear her own testimony?"- instantly, the spirit moved me and I found myself walking up to the front to bear "Brooke's" testimony. I don't recall the exact words, but I do recall the feeling and assurance from the spirit that Brooke does indeed have a perfect testimony. I know that she knows why and how and where she is- yesterday-today-forever. And I know that she is perfectly at peace with what her mortal journey is. As I stood bearing this testimony for her, Brooke Anne stood up in the back of the chapel- smiling and watching me- surrounded by what I can only describe as the light and visage of Christ and her own celestial spirit. I wasn't the only one who saw that- a wife of one of the Bishop's counselors later shared with me that her husband saw it too. She had asked him why he was so emotional during my testimony and he told her about the light he saw encompassing Brooke Anne. I have had many other spiritual experiences and confirmation regarding my sweet little girl, including a very clear revelation in the temple of how and why she is here now and where she was in the pre-existence. I know that her "Autism" is a cloak of protection to keep her safe-she is a valiant soul and her place in the celestial kingdom is guaranteed.

I could write volumes about Brooke Anne- how she grew up in a wonderful neighborhood surrounded by love and acceptance - how we all learned to stand up for her and for what is right- how still to this day- my heart sings when she smiles at me and says "ma-ma"and gives me her special little hug & kiss- how she makes me feel strong and capable. I love her so much and I am so humbled and so grateful to have been blessed with her as my daughter. I thank Heavenly Father endlessly for entrusting this magnificent, beautiful celestial soul into my care- for trusting me to be her mother in this life and I can't wait to see her "whole and well" in the spirit world!

A Memorable Trip

Okay, so this past weekend I took a quick trip to southeast Idaho- Pocatello, Blackfoot, and Montpelier. Saturday we celebrated a grandson's birthday (Nash Lindsay-son of Donnie and Katie). It was a lot of fun- I can't wait to get moved back to Poky to be closer to all our kids all the time!

Sunday I went to Montpelier. I got to see my oldest brother (for once) and his two daughters.

I also got to visit with my Grandma Clark. She is 98- will be 99 on Sept. 4th! Isn't she beautiful?! She has been my rock- my safe haven- my hero-all my life. It was her and my Grandpa's encouragement and example that gave me the desire to be who I am- that enabled me to build the testimony I have and the faith that has carried me through so much tribulation. She is "The Wind Beneath My Wings"-

I then spent the night with my mom and dad. It was great- they had just gotten their temple recommends from their Bishop. I am so proud of them and so happy for them. They have set September 24th as the day they will go be sealed in the Logan, Utah temple. WOW! Imagine- they are 75 and 77 yrs old. Goes to show ya- it's never too late.

After leaving Bear Lake, I visited with Jim's mom and went with her to her doctor appointment on Tuesday- took her grocery shopping- and made sure all was well with her.

It was a busy trip- but so wonderful and memorable. I don't know how much more time I will have with my sweet Grandma- she says she's staying a little longer (as long as the Lord lets her) but she also says she knows there's a "real good place" for us after this life.

So with that I will close for now- God be with you all and remember to love as He loves and let the joy He promises us be in your heart and life.

Whoa!

Well- as usual, I have a little more to say. I just couldn't sign off today without also acknowledging my mom and dad. They are such amazing people. They, too, have faced a lot of adversity and trials in their lives and they are conquering all and landing right where I always knew they could be! In the past 6 years they have returned to full activity in the Church. It has been so wonderful to watch them each step of the way. When my dad was ordained an Elder in the priesthood, my son, Donnie had the honor to ordain him. Wow! What a day for all of us. Then a year later, he (my dad) was ordained a High Priest by his brother-in-law. My mom who fought tobacco addiction all my life (I don't remember a time she wasn't trying with all her might to quit) has now been over 2 years without a single smoke! As if this wasn't amazing enough- a couple of weeks ago my mom called to let me know they are going to the temple in September! I have wept buckets of joyful tears and gratitude since getting the news! I will be sealed to them!

My heart only wishes all my siblings could be part of this- but-who knows? The day may still come that each of them will turn this way too! In the meantime- I just love them all- 3 brothers and 3 sisters- with all my heart! Not only are they my siblings, they are my friends and their love and support through the years has meant so much!

Okay- so today I decided to try this blog thing out. With a lot of encouraging/urging from my beautiful daughter, Heather, here goes!

This life has been quite a journey so far. Lots of ups and lots of downs- but I am blessed to have a deep understanding and testimony and so I lean on the Lord for strength and courage when I need it and give thanks to Him for all I have and all I have experienced that has brought me to who I am and where I am now.

I sometimes feel I could write volumes on the trials I have faced through the years, but those who know me already know enough about that, and those who don't know me- well, just suffice it to say, I'd rather you know the good things in my life and perhaps along the way I will occasionally share some of the things I have faced and hopefully conquered!

For today, my first blog, I just want to acknowledge the love and support I have felt throughout my life from my Heavenly Father. I want to acknowledge the love and support of my wonderful, kind, loving best friend and husband. I want to acknowledge the love and support of my magnificent children. I have four- 2 boys, 2 girls. 2 married- 2 not. There were times in my life that I think only their love and the joy and honor of being their mom kept me going. And now, I have 8 fantastic grandkids with them. (With my husband's family I have 18 (that's right-18) more fantastic grandkids!) Seeing my children, the adults they have become, gives me such joy and such a sense of exactly what our eternal perspective and purpose is. In those dark hours, when the sadness or the regret of past trials tries to overtake my mind and heart, I think of my children- I call them or read their blogs, text messages, etc. and I am renewed. I turn to Heavenly Father in humble gratitude for being blessed with them in my life.

As I walk through this blog process, I will take time for each of my kids and write about them and their families. If I do it individually, then perhaps I will do them justice. For now- well- I guess this is a start, Heather! What do ya think?