Growing "Older" Pains...

So this past week has been a bit challenging. Jim had a physical for the first time in years (the first since we've been married)- Yeah, he sees pain doctors all the time and has been in for colds and "stuff"- but this was an actual physical.

He also had a sleep study done, recommended by his pain care doctor because he has basically exhausted all sleep aids/medicines to no avail.

The major things we have found so far is that his cholesterol is sky high (no surprise for all of us who know and love him)... he LOVES his junk food! He's seeing our primary doctor about that tomorrow.

Then, the sleep study showed two things going on with him. First of all his oxygen is dangerously low. He will be getting some oxygen to use within the next couple of days. Second- he averages 50 apnea episodes an hour when he is "sleeping".... (you call THAT sleeping!?).... so he will be fitted with a CPap machine. Guess we'll look like twinners when we sleep...he he. His and Hers sleep hoses!

Anyway- all this has made me look at our lives and how we eat and what we do and we have both decided it is past time to work on our health. I have already started back on the NutriSystem diet that was so successful for me before with my doctor's complete support and blessing! Jim is working on cutting back a little at a time. I'm sure after he sees our doctor tomorrow he will be told he'll have to make some major dietary changes. He eats a lot of candy and ice cream and not much meat or protein. He likes tacos, pizza, potatoes... you know all that stuff that we should be avoiding. (Me?- I love hamburgers, pasta, and fried chicken... gonna hafta give 'em up though)-- we'll only allow ourselves to indulge once in a great while. At least that is the plan. Jim is already struggling.... but we'll keep working on it. We have so many grandchildren and such wonderful family---we want to make our lives as quality and LONG as possible!

On a different note... we had ward conference today and I swear the Stake Presidency talks were aimed right at me! They were wonderfully moving and inspiring. I am making it a goal to "dive back into my spirituality" --- read the scriptures more--- pray more consistently--- and work to become the me I am meant to be! I think I have gotten a little lazy about spirituality- kinda riding along on my testimony without really working at it. I have truly been blessed in my life and I want to dedicate more time and effort and thought to showing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father.

The RS president asked about my dad today and about Brooke and about Jim and she said she is amazed that I stay so cheerful with all that is going on... and I realized that I really have been blessed with an ability to be cheerful and see the positive. This is a gift given to me following a long road of trials and challenges and not saying I still don't get down or have negative thoughts or feelings from time to time, but overall I AM happy. And THAT is truly what life is about. I love life! This has been a kind of epiphany- this realization of the joy that is in my heart and soul. I remember a time thinking I would never feel joy or happiness again... and praying so hard for Heavenly Father's guidance and patience.... and He has blessed me... I think it has been happening a little at a time for several years now and it just took me a while to understand and recognize the work of His hands.

And what better stage of life to recognize such joy than this stage of being a gramma.... I grew up thinking I was born to be a mom and oh how I have loved being a mom, but being a gramma is a whole new world and I absolutely LOVE IT!

My two oldest grandchildren- Blake and Mikey (a few years ago) We have older ones on Jim's side- but these were the first two in my life- they're only a couple months apart in age and their coming into my life changed my outlook and my heart in ways I could never imagine! Love you to pieces boys!!! Love ALL the grandkids to pieces!!

Well- 'til next week.... posted by a grateful gramma and daughter of Heavenly Father.

On The Lighter Side.....

So- my last post was a little heavy so for today I'm just going to post a bunch of random pictures from the events of the past few months... or at least going back to Christmas. It's been fun going through my pictures and relishing the life moments I've had and shared with so many.



This first one is just from last night... I had been putting off doing anything with my hair for a while because I was first- not wanting to spend the money to go to a salon and second- afraid of what I might end up with. I mean over the last couple few years I've had everything from silver blonde to bright red to neon yellow to brown... and the only one that was on purpose was the brown! It seemed to be more of what my natural/roots wanted to be, but I just don't feel like me with brown hair. And it really doesn't make me look any more like my daughters like I hoped it would... So, when I got out the color last night (actually Jim had bought for me a couple of months ago)- I just figured what the heck! About the only thing it could do to surprise me would be to turn green or something. But lo and behold! It actually turned out the color I was hoping for (and had tried for many times). So, hopefully if I use this color each time it will work out.



Last week we had a girls' get together. My sister-in-law, Barb invited me to join this circle of friends for crafts and lunches when I first moved to Nampa. Our numbers have slightly dwindled as a couple of ladies moved out of state- but we still manage to get together pretty much every month. We draw names for Christmas, celebrate all our birthdays and do crafts at each other's houses off and on. This month we celebrated the baby of the group's birthday. Cheryl (she's the brunette on the left side). Her sister was here from Texas (the blonde behind her) and then there's Barb, me, Leslie and Marcia. We were missing one lady that still lives here but we had a blast. Went to a place called Tucano's Brazilian Grill. This group of ladies has been so fun and just welcomed me into their circle with arms and hearts wide open.

This next picture is of me and some of the young women from my ward. Last winter they did an "adopted grandma" project and I was one of the adoptees. Oh how my kids got a kick out of that.. and yes, I was actually the youngest adopted Grandma but it has been a blast. They come around every once in a while to check in with us Grandma's and we have been invited to a couple of dinners with them at church. They even asked me to sing at their last Standards night. I love these girls so much. The girl on the far right has become like another daughter to me. She and her sister and dad let me sit with them at church when Jim is at home so I don't have to be alone. I am a pretty happy grandma- these girls are like a bonus on top of my 29 grandkids!

I don't very often get to the grandkids birthdays.... so I either mail them something or take something on my closest trip to their birthdays. I asked Mikey if he wanted me to mail him something or wait until I came to visit and he decided to wait for next visit. I went to Poky with Barb to do some things for our mother-in-law and took Mikey out shopping and to eat. When I asked him where he'd like to eat he said "BUDDY'S"! I was thrilled as that happens to be one of my favorite places in Pocatello. So we get there and he orders a WHOLE salad... hee hee! 'Course we took a lot of leftover salad home with us! He loved his toy and we had fun... the best part for me was when he said, "Gramma, I really love the toy you bought me, but I love YOU more!"---

A few weeks ago I went to Bear Lake to see my parents and my grandma. Every time I see my grandma I am in awe. She is over 101 years old!!! And just look at how beautiful she is. I have been asked if I know her secret and I always answer it is the pure love in her heart and her pure spirit. She radiates gentle love and peace and has all my life. I know she won't be here much longer, but oh- I just don't think I'll ever be ready for her to go. I have strived all my life to live up to the person she and my grandpa thought I could be... maybe someday I'll get there. I only know that I would not be who I am without the love and guidance they gave me.

Christmas this year was a blast---- was a journey of work, worry, fun, and love. We have so many kids (10 with 8 of them married and 1 with a serious girlfriend) and so many grandkids- 29 (will be 30 this June)--- that we have to plan/buy/save for Christmas pretty much year round. We have a deal that I get to buy for the grown up girls and Jim gets to buy for the boys- but this year (and last year) Jim had to get his part in with the girls. But that's okay, cause I pretty much pick out for the grandkids although he's right there giving his approval. I am pretty proud of myself- these last two Christmases I have stayed right in the budget Jim set and we haven't charged for over two years now. (I surely do struggle cause if I could I would probably spend hundreds on each grandkid...(((sigh))) oh well, at least I don't have to budget how much love I give them!

I tried to get pictures of all the gifts under the tree before we went to Pocatello, but it was hard! I think I got most of them in these two pictures though.

We got some huge stuffed animals for a bunch of the grandkids...some of the older ones, especially the boys got games or transformers. Then I put some treats and trinkets in some small stockings for each of them. It was great fun! The grownup boys got ammo from Jim and the grownup girls got ornaments, fuzzy socks, mini all-in-one tools and odds and ends from me.

This is Molly with one of the stuffed animals... a pink pig with a baby pig! She loved it!

Some of the grandkids on Jim's side made up a little Christmas skit to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Led by Eliza- she make the sign and made noses, antlers and tails for all the participants. It was so dang cute.

Ya gotta love this sign she made!

This is Eliza - modeling the antlers and nose she made. So clever for a second grader!

This is one of my favorite pictures of Christmas. Jim looking so happy and relaxed with Carter and Scooter! The traveling is so hard on him- but he ignores the pain as much as possible so he can enjoy the kids and grandkids!

I took Brooke Anne to see my folks. It had been so long since she got to see her Granny and Grampa! She was so good, but before the visit was over she started getting sick. (You can tell in this picture)... but she loved on them and kissed them and munched on their goodies of course! I'm so glad she got to see them- I'm especially glad my grandma got to see her if only for a few minutes. (by the time we got to Grandma Clark's she was really feeling bad and just wanting to stay in the car and sleep).

This picture is another one of my favorites. Molly just came over to me and leaned on my knee. She said I love you Gramma and then I snapped this picture. It is so very precious to me. I love all my grandkids so much and these moments are truly the best!

I got to have breakfast with Brady and his girlfriend Jade and his "best buddy" April. Jade is having his baby and they are so very happy together. I told them I found some pink fleece with skulls on it and could make them a baby blanket.... they laughed. Jade said their baby was going to be really confused between them... cause Jade loves rainbows and Brady loves black..... so it will be a fun, fun journey- yes?

Jade on the left with "rainbow" hair, Brady in middle, and April on the right.

Okay- this last picture was a must-post! Seriously, I think it will be important for my posterity to see exactly what kind of grandmother I really am! sooooooooooo- drum rollllllll...............


get ready............................................. keep scrolling down....................

it's............................................ ROBO GRAMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by a crazy-lovin'-grateful- mom and gramma!!!

Forgiving and Forgetting - a work in progress

So, I promised myself to blog every Sunday and here I am not prepared with any fun pictures or anything.... but I have been thinking a lot about the hard work involved in forgiving and forgetting. Through scripture research, soul search, prayer and much pondering and referring to the wise words of Bill McKee (my wonderful friend and counselor) I came to realize the following.
First of all- forgiving does not mean condoning or accepting the behavior of another. I was stuck for a long time thinking if I forgave the ones who had so deeply betrayed and hurt me and my children that I was somehow letting myself and my sense of truth and righteousness down. Looking at it now, I am amazed what a grip the adversary had on my heart - through trickery and using my own sense of right and wrong. Also- it is not necessary to wait for an apology (that may never come) to forgive someone. And it is true- after diligently seeking and praying to forgive I did finally reach a point where there is peace in my heart. I have learned to pray in love and compassion for those who I needed to forgive. I found it is impossible to harbor anger and hurt towards someone I was praying for. I have been blessed with the ability to accept that I love these people regardless of all that happened and I am a much happier person because I have accepted that.
This may seem simple to a lot of people, but when you are in the midst of despair and pain, you can loose sight of the simple principles. It is at these times we need to lean heavily on the love of our Savior and Heavenly Father in order to work through it all.
Next- forgetting doesn't mean "forgetting" . I was really stuck on this one... I mean, how do you forget? The way we forget is by learning to live well in spite of the pain or betrayal. We forget by not holding onto the anger and hurt. Yes, these experiences, this pain will always be a part of who we are, but we can live beyond the bad stuff by taking stock of the joy and all the blessings we are granted. This came to me in a sweet moment of personal revelation and it was as though a great weight lifted off my shoulders. My heart sang with joy when I found that I could forgive and that I could forget in the sense of living my life as well as I possibly can.
Now- once I achieved my goal to forgive I thought I was home free... oh so wrong! Forgiving is a continual work in progress. It is easy to let a moment of doubt or a perceived slight send you spiraling right back down into pain and despair...and resentment. The first time it hit me (after thinking I had finally been able to forgive and move on)- my heart sank and I despaired that I was somehow doomed to be this sad-angry-hurt person forever. Then again, through prayer and beseeching the Lord, I found the sweet sense of forgiveness and realized that just because you overcome or accomplish something once doesn't mean you can fall back and let that carry you. Being Christ-like, being a person of joy and love and forgiveness is something that takes constant work, dedication and a lot of "self-talk"... as Bill used to say, "change the tape in your head"... and believe me, that old Satan will constantly hammer at those tender spots in your heart and spirit-I can go along for a year or so thinking I'm in this great place and WHAM!- something happens that brings it all boiling up again- these are the times I turn to Heavenly Father on my knees asking for His forgiveness and guidance so I can find my peace again.... and I am reminded of one of my favorite songs that says--- we should be more gentle with ourselves- accept that we are on a mortal journey and when we slip a little, the hand of the Savior is just a prayer away.
Finally, I know that I want to live with joy and I want to deserve the forgiveness and compassion of others towards me, and to achieve that how can I myself not be forgiving and compassionate towards others? And so my goal in life is to be a "bringer of joy" and to extend love (and forgiveness when necessary) to all. After all- we are all God's children- yes? It's up to Him to judge- up to us to love.
Bye til next week! :)