Summertime & The Livin' Is Crazy!

It certainly has been crazy weather this year! Spring has sprung back and forth, snow/rain/sunshine- plants growing then freezing!   (((Whew!!!)))   But it seems we have finally got our warm weather- at least here in Nampa.  For the last couple of weeks I have had my annual "spring" cold- a little late this year, just like the sunshine and it has hung on and hung on. I even lost my voice for over a week! Can you imagine a world where I can't talk?  Me either...ha ha. 
Anyway- since my last post we have had some fun times and some interesting times.  Jim's youngest daughter and her family came and stayed from May 26th - May 30th and we had a grand time. 
On the 27th- Brooke had to go to St. Luke's hospital to have an EEG done. I was so nervous for her- last time we had to sedate her and hold her down and it was just traumatic for her.  This time however was a whole different experience. She was so calm and cooperative!  The nurse from the group home brought a big bag of treat/reinforcers, so we were able to get all the electrodes on her head and run the test with very little anxiety! She almost fell asleep during the testing.  She actually did fall asleep when the nurse was removing the electrodes and rubbing/scrubbing at her head! Go figure!  It was a great relief and I gave great thanks to my Heavenly Father.  It was so wonderful to see her this way.  And it made it much easier for me to come home to our company and just enjoy the time with them.

She was SO tired when she was done. What a good girl though- love her so so much!
Back to our visitors!  Tim & Amanda have 4 kids-  Eliza (turning 8 in July); Evie (just turned 5); Phoebe (turning 3 in July); Tommy (just turned 1).   Friday night the girls and gramma had a slumber party!  I LOVE having slumber parties with my grandkids....I'm sure some day they will outgrow them, but in the meantime I will enjoy every moment I can!   Saturday- Tim and Amanda took the kids to the Discovery Center and visiting old friends in Boise.  Gramma & Grampa stayed home and rested!  Then Sunday we went to church of course- and afterwards, celebrated Evie & Tommy's birthdays.  The girls wanted to have another slumber party Sunday night but mom and dad said no.....  (prob'ly good thing cuz this gramma was really tired out from all the fun and playing!)
One very lovely thing about this visit was sharing their evening routine.  They read the scriptures every night-taking turns. Eliza reads and the other kids "read" with Daddy's help.  Then they have personal prayers one by one and finally a family prayer.  What a delight- what a moving, tender privilege to share this with them.
It was really hard to pick pictures to post!  Between the girls, and I and Grampa we took TONS of pictures...so I once again made a few collages to share.  This is NOT all the pics, but a real good sampling of how the visit went.    Enjoy! 

Posted with love and gratitude!

And Life Goes On

So, it's been 51 days since my last post! ((Whew!!))  And so much has happened it is hard to put it all in words- but I will try. 

Things got really busy in April... after I got home from my visit with Donnie, Katie and the boys it was rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal time with the Boise Master Chorale.  We had two absolutely fabulous concert performances the 15th & 16th.  We did the music of Carmina Burana with the Boise Philharmonic Orchestra, the College of Idaho choir, and a children's choir from Opera Idaho, along with 3 professional soloists.  I can't think of any other time that I was involved in such an exciting, soul moving concert.  It was breathtaking!

A few nights before the concerts, however, I received news that my dear Grandma Clark was probably getting close to the end of her days.  My first thought was to forego participating in the concerts and rush to be by her side, but after assurances from my sister (Susan) who had been living with Grandma the last year and half, I decided to go early the morning of the 17th.  

I had a very interesting, spiritual experience with this concert- as my heart, prayers and thoughts were with my grandma, I felt her near me and decided to dedicate my own performance to her in gratitude for all she has done and been for me.  I was able to stand for each performance (in the last year I have had to sit for part of my concerts due to hip/back pain) and when I started to feel like I couldn't stand, I felt my Grandma's spirit there holding and supporting me. 

 

As I was traveling to be with Grandma, there was a bit of complication... My aunt and uncle (George & Ann Lane) who have been looking after her affairs for several years, were making things a little confusing... who should stay, who we should or should not talk to about her condition... it was rather upsetting, but I'm sure everyone was trying to do what they thought best.  After Grandma got sick with an infection, Aunt Ann decided she was too sick to have solids and because she was so unsteady, Ann also decided she should be kept in her bed.    The first few days were really hard-  Grandma kept asking for food and asking to get up- so Susan and I would give her a little bit of milk or juice (she could only handle a swallow or two).  We explained to Grandma that she was very weak and we were afraid she would fall again if she tried to get up.    Gradually, she weakened more and seemed content to be in bed with us taking turns sitting with her. 

We shared some very tender, spiritual moments with her.   She was seeing and talking with people from the other side of the veil, so we knew her time was very close.  She shared her love and appreciation for each of us- and we with her.  When I told her she was my lifelong angel and she saved me all my life, she smiled and remarked, "I think Grandpa had a lot to do with that.  He always knew you were special- from the time you were a baby and was determined to teach you that."  (And he did)-  At one point, she turned to me, holding my hand, and said, "I think I'm going on a journey aren't I?"-  I replied, "Yes you are Grandma, a wonderful, beautiful journey where you will be loved, you will be happy and you will be well."

I wept as I said this to her- because I selfishly wanted so bad for her to stay longer.  But I also know that she so deserved the rest and peace and joy she would find.     She passed on April 27th around 9:30 AM.   As I watched her take her last couple of breaths, through the sadness and tears, I felt a strong, peaceful spirit surrounding all of us in the room.
  It was definitely what one would describe as a "bittersweet" moment.  Oh, Grandma, how I love and how I am missing you!!!   

For the funeral Grandma and I had planned for years that I would sing- and I thought I would sing "The Wind Beneath My Wings"- but Uncle George asked me to sing the song I had sung years before at my Aunt Delsa's funeral  "I Walked Today Where Jesus Walked"- at first I was disappointed, but when I got my music out, the first thing I noticed was the inscription across the top  "To Roxanne from Grandma Clark"-  Remembering that she loved to hear me sing this song- the first time I sang it in her ward was in th 70's when I was in high school- I felt an overwhelming sense of "this is the right song"..... I felt her spirit brush my heart again. 

A few days after Grandma passed my Uncle Jack passed away.  He had been ill and in a nursing home for some time, so although it was not a surprise, it was another heart wrenching experience for our family.  My dad will miss his brother, I know.   I was unable to go back for Uncle Jack's funeral as Jim needed me home for a while. 

I was home for 4 days, then on Monday (the day after Mother's Day), my son Brady called saying his Jade was in the hospital.  She was about 32-33 weeks pregnant and her water had broke.  So, into my car I hopped and drove back to Pocatello! 
Poor Jade- for the first couple of days, they kept her from going into labor- pumped her full of steroids to help the baby develop, and antibiotics to stave off infection....she had one bad reaction and had to start another med.... then finally, on Thursday evening, they decided to re-induce her labor.  Hoping the baby's lungs had developed with the aid of the steroids and to reduce the infection risks.   She labored all night and all day Friday.  I've never seen anyone so strong!  Most of Friday as she was having contractions, she was also violently ill and heaving.... Brady was by her side nonstop (as were her parents and I)- and finally, finally, Friday night they realized she was not progressing or dilating, the baby was not dropping and they needed to deliver her by C-Section!  So,  River Inara Lindsay, was born Friday the 13th at 10:30-  She was healthier and bigger than they hoped (4lb 10 oz; 18") and quite quickly was able to breath on her own.  To date, however, she is still in the NICU, waiting for her swallowing/eating to improve and to be able to maintain a healthy body temperature outside the warming beds. 
What a miracle though!  And what a testiment to the circle of life!   I'm sure that River and Grandma Clark had time to visit and I'm sure Grandma was able to give River her love and assurances.  

And me, well I saw my baby boy become a man right in front of my eyes!  It didn't surprise me that he was so loving and tender with Jade all through this, it didn't surprise me that he fell in love with his little daughter instantly-  it just surprised me that sometime without me really noticing, he walked into these really big "man" shoes!  Oh, he's still the same old Brady with the wry sense of humor and all- but he is indeed a man- and a daddy! 

In between & during all this, we had Mother's day with Brooke Anne; and I was able to spend time with Heather & her kids;  and see Donnie & Katie at one of Carter's base ball games;  AND we had a couple of days with Jon and Katrina and their kids (the 14th & 15th after me "rushing" home after River's birth)-  Jon (Jim's oldest son)- was called to be a High Priest and wanted his father to ordain him and knowing how hard it is for Jim to travel, they came here to have it done.  It was a very nice visit.... we are so proud of Jon.  And I (of course) had a blast with the kids....

 

Posted by a Gramma who is completely, utterly exhausted but also completely, utterly happy and at peace! 

Boys Will Be Boys! And Oh How Fun!

So- went to spend the weekend with Donnie & Katie and the boys March 24-27.  We had so much fun. I was thoroughly entertained non-stop!  First of all, I got there after bedtime (I went to my niece's dance program in Pocatello first) and Katie had told the boys that they would have a surprise in the morning.  They had NO idea it was Gramma!

Blake was the first to get up- as he walked by the room where I was sleeping he did a double take- grinned from ear to ear and came right in with a good morning hug and we started jabbering away.  He said he thought the surprise was going to be something  like "shoe laces"...?!?!?  How funny, then Carter heard us and came bouncing in! Next was Nash- he jumped right in the middle of Gramma and we all started wrestling around.  Last was Haedon- and he was hilarious!  He glanced in as he sleepily started walking by the door- stopped dead in his tracks- chin dropped, mouth wide open- loudly said "WHAT!?!?" and then he jumped in the middle of Gramma too!  It was a superific way to start our weekend!

Since it was Friday, Blake and Carter had to go to school so I walked them out to the bus.  Then Katie's daycare kids came.  She had a houseful of preschool aged kiddos and one baby! Whew!! She works hard.  So of course Gramma had to play with all the kids.  I told them my name was Gramma Gertie! They were all calling me Gramma or Gramma Gertie instantly. 

When Blake and Carter came home, we had movie night in their basement.  After the movie the three youngest (Carter, Haedon & Nash) were entertaining us with some pretty crazy dancing moves....

As you can see........



Then, after mom and dad went to bed, the party was on... the slumber party that is.  I slept on the couch and the boys all slept all around me!  We giggled and played until we dropped off to sleep.  The next morning Blake and Haedon were the first awake.  I went upstairs for a minute and came down to find them watching cartoons or trying to anyway- looked at the clock and told them it wasn't even 5:00 yet!  We were kinda being silly about it and then Mom (Katie) came down and made us all go back to bed...he he he!

The funny thing is we all fell instantly back to sleep! 

Saturday morning we went to Blake's distrist Pinewood Derby!  I've never been to one where there were so many people (probably because it was district)-  The track was computerized and each boy got to race his car 8 times (2x in each lane)-    I got to see Blake's car twice and he won both times.... (I had to leave to go to Pocatello to get movie tickets from Uncle Brady)-  Blake ended up winning first place in the Webelos- which is really nice since it's his last year in Cub Scouts!  The thing I think I enjoyed most was watching what a good sport he was. He was encouraging to all the other boys and he was one of the best mannered and behaved boys there!    He looks so dang handsome in his uniform too! 

Overall, we had a terrific weekend and I am feeling well loved and well blessed!  I have made a promise to myself (and to my grandkids) to spend a lot more time with them.  I'll be taking turns with all the kids.  I also can't wait for them to come visit here so Grandpa can get in on some of the fun and action! 
One of the hilights of the weekend was sitting in Church- I drew a funny picture of Blake- cartoonish with big grin full of big teeth!  I wrote - "Hi, my name is Blake and my Gramma Wuvs me!"-  Blake grinned at it then wrote something on it (I thought it would be silly or sarcastic)- he wrote, "And I love her too"-  it was one of those moments so precious- made a deep mark in my heart!  He said he was going to save the picture... it will be fun to see if he does!

I took so many pictures - it was hard to pick just a few to blog so I made collages!  This last one is just a bunch of fun pictures..... notice how Blake is being mugged/ganged up on by his brothers! 

(If you look close at Nash's hand (finger) , you'll see what I meant by "very funny Donnie!)  I tell ya!  It's hard enough getting a good/serious picture of Donnie, now he's gonna get the kids in on it?!?!?  ho ho ho!

Anyway- Thanks kids for everything!  I love my family so much and am so grateful for all the joy and love we share.  My cup runneth over with blessings!

(if you click on the pictures, you can see them larger! I'm sure most of you know that- but I just figured it out!)

Posted by Gramma Gertie- with love and happiness!

Spring Has Sprung-Cleaning's Begun-Birthday & Grandkid Fun Fun Fun

Okay- so Spring has NOT really sprung- but I do have a few green leaves and buds in my flower beds and on my rose bushes. 

Last weekend (18th & 19th) Jim's son Justin, his wife Nikki and our two grandsons Tanner and Tyler came to visit.  For an "early birthday" gift to Jim, they helped us with a couple of long overdue projects in the house!

Justin started the decluttering/re-organizing of Jim's gun storage room and make him a built in reloading station.  He re-inforced the shelves so Jim can store whatever he needs or wants in there.  It is amazing how much "junk" you can cram into a space.  We threw away several bags of stuff, took down several plastic shelving units and there is still a lot to do!  But there is room to move around and I think Jim is really going to enjoy it!

Then Nikki decluttered and organized the "toy room"... we have this big bonus room over the garage that has been used  as a catch-all room, guest bedroom and as the play room for the kids.  Over the years we had collected quite a bit of toys in a bunch of rubbermaid type containers and boxes.   She went through the toys and got rid of the broken/destroyed/useless items and all the other stuff that had made it's way up there.  Y'know- that room is quite large and roomy.  We bought some drawer/storage units and separated the toys into the drawers so the kids can play with a drawer ful and hopefully put those toys away before getting out another drawer ful! 

I think my next project up there will be to get some of that "chalkboard paint" and paint a couple of huge squares on the walls for the kids to draw on with chalk.  Also- I've GOT to get some kind of decorations on the walls now... it looks so bare!

I also made a cake to surprise Jim and the boys had a lot of fun helping him with the candles.  I was a little disappointed- I bouth "sparkler" candles and they didn't work very well-  just a couple of splutters here and there!  But the kids loved it!  Especially Tanner- we wrote Happy Birthday Grampa in green - which is Tanner's favorite color.

We had a blast playing with the kids... or rather Tanner and I had a blast playing.  Ty is pretty mellow and he was pretty happy just hanging out with Grampa.  Tanner and I played ball, wrestled, built a castle, bowled, and played "Zombies"--  they have a computer game called Plants Vs. Zombies which Tanner loves, but I do think he loved role playing it with Gramma way more!  One of us would be a Zombie- coming after the other one saying "BRAINS--BRAINS!"-  we used balls as the peashooters to kill each other-- but Tanner was a good Zombie, he made it to Gramma several times and ate my brains...hee hee!

It really was a fabulous weekend and hopefully we can share more with them and with our other kids and grandkids.  It's really great when they come here as Jim can't travel much yet he SO loves to see them! 

I took so many pictures I couldn't decide what to post- so I made a few collages and here they are!  Wonderful, wonderful memories!



The boys hangin' out with Grampa & Gramma



Here are just a very few of the fun pictures of the boys playing.

I didn't realize how much bigger this room is now that it is organized!  Nikki did a super

job - she is superwoman when it comes to cleaning and organizing!  

I can't show you all of Jim's gun room (for security reasons at his request)-

 but here is the reloading station Justing set up.  

We feel so blessed by all our children and grandchildren.  We have a wonderful family- we share a wonderful life- if we could change anything it would be Jim's health and we can't wait for this crazy economy to pick back up so we can sell our house and move to Pocatello to be closer to everyone!

Posted by a tired out Gramma  (who's setting out tomorrow to see more grandkids!) with love.

Pondering Agency- My Choices- My Life- "And All is Well"

I can remember a time, when my children were young, and it was the week for High Council speakers at church some of the people I knew would refer to it at "dry council" Sunday.  We would all laugh and go to church, spending most of the Sacrament meeting time trying to keep our kids occupied and/or quiet.  I always felt so blessed as mine for the most part were very reverent.  Good thing, as I had my hands full keeping Brooke Anne from totally disrupting the meeting.  We had wonderful wards though and she was accepted just as she is.

Anyway- today was High Council day. I am now in the stage of life where I thoroughly enjoy these men and the wisdom and love and inspiration with which they speak.  Both speakers talked about agency; choice; and how these gifts shape our lives. I took notes (I actually do that now quite often at church as was suggested by our Stake President a few months ago) and as I listened and jotted my thoughts down,  I had an epiphany- which I will share in a minute.

First of all I want to share some of what was said.  Regarding choice-choice, or agency, is a gift that we were given not only in this life, but even before we came here.  Lucifer was not cast out because of his plan, but rather he "chose" to rebel when his plan was rejected by the Father.  On the other hand, Jesus "chose" to be the Savior.  He was not forced- He chose.  I don't think I ever quite looked at it in that light before.  Then all of us "chose" which path we would take.  In the scriptures we are taught that God will force no soul to Heaven...  God is deeply serious about human joy and He has given us all we need to make righteous choices; the Holy Ghost, our families, prayer, the scriptures... many tools are at our hands.    Yet agency is not an easy thing.. we refer to those first choices as the "war in Heaven"- and as such, we are fighting our own war here each day as make choices... some minor every day choices and some choices with eternal consequences. 

The second speaker talked about the three "R's" of choice:   1- Right of choice- we were all given the right to make our own choices... it is an unconditional gift.   2- Responsibility- with this gift comes great responsibility to make clear, righteous choices if we want to return to Heavenly Father.  3- Results- each choice comes with it's results or consequences.  Analogy- a stick is like choice and consequence...you cannot pick up just one end of it, once you pick it up you are stuck with both the choice and the consequence.  Some consequences may require hard work to overcome, repentance. Some consequences will bring eternal joy.

So anyway, as I said- in the midst of these talks and writing down my thoughts, I had this epiphany.  I have long lamented that choices made by others took away my choices.  I felt cheated- specifically when Donovan and Kris made their choices and it completely changed the path of my life and the lives of my children.  As I have worked through this over the years, I have tried to live the best I can and yet no matter what I felt like I had failed at the most important duty we are given... family and marriage.   Oh I knew that I could still live the gospel and even  have found joy beyond what I ever imagined...I have long forgiven them and accept that I will always love them both... I just couldn't shake this niggling feeling of failure. Then today, like a beautiful flower slowly opening, or a cloud lighting up with beautiful colors, my mind and heart were filled with this message.   Yes- others made choices that affected my life- but I CAN still choose the right myself and by doing so, I have not failed.  I can't really begin to put into words how this message came to me ... it was like a gentle, yet soul shaking carress or whispered shout.... direct spirit to spirit communication from Heavenly Father to me.  Even now as I type this I have tears welling up as my heart and spirit swell again with confirmation and I hear the sounds of the song  "All is Well" from a CD Mike gave me when we got engaged.  I wish I could put that song on my playlist here, but alas it is not offered in the program (at least I can't find it).  I have not felt this, this magnitude of spirit communication since I was in the temple and was given answers regarding Brooke Anne.  Here I am, this very common, everyday person... and yet God has blessed me with these magnanimous moments of comfort, joy and answered some of my deepest questions and fears.  "And All is Well".... 

So now I carry this into my everyday life and I have some choices to make.  First of all I am choosing to work even harder on forgiving, to pray more ferventy and more often and for my own spirit as well as for those who I have worked to forgive.  I am going to express my gratitude more deeply and more often for the people in my life that bring such joy and love and blessings....  And. I am choosing to get over my feelings of failure and accept myself as I am...   "And All is Well" 

In closing tonight- I just have to mention the love and joy I have with Jim.  I love him- with all he has to suffer and go through, he is amazing.  His love for me and my children fills me with gratitude.... especially his love and acceptance for Brooke Anne.   She loves him so......  "And All is Well"....

Posted by a soul humbled and grateful for the love of Heavenly Father and Jesus and all I have been blessed with.

Oh How I Lo-ove To Sing!

This fall I joined the Boise Master Chorale (now known as Boise Philharmonic Master Chorale). We have around 100 singers! It has been such an amazing experience. I have missed singing with Camerata so much since moving from Pocatello... and although I don't quite have the same bond of love and friendship as Camerata (more like a family to me than anything)- it is delightful sharing classical music with such an awesome choir. Our director is the director of choirs at Boise State University and he is really, really good. He is fun and I am learning so much from him. I just adored Scott Anderson, the director of Camerata, I didn't know how it would be singing for another director. But it is just as musically fulfilling and he is just as fun. I haven't gotten into the tradition of going out to a restaurant/club each week following practice as a big group of members do- it's kinda hard since I live about 20 miles away. Not like going to Buddy's each week after Camerata.


This is the back wall of the Balcony at the Methodist Church in Boise, The Cathedral of The Rockies where we performed with the Boise Baroque Orchestra today. All the windows in the building were beautiful and acoustics were fabulous. After each number the hall just rang - practically breathed with the sound.

I have been thinking today about my love of music. I'm not an avid, educated musician- I know tons of music but couldn't really tell you the names or composers like some people can. I just know I have been blessed with this love that is so deep and so resonant in my heart and soul. A friend once asked me how I could "stand" opera music or classical music and I tried to explain but he just didn't get it. How do you verbally explain the visceral warmth and swelling of your heart to this music to someone who doesn't feel it and probably never will? I told him listening or participating in classical music or opera filled my whole being with joy....

I believe some people were created and destined to compose amazing, eternally enduring music- such as Handel's Messiah, and some of us were created and blessed with the pure love and ability to soak in that music - to let that music define the color of our hearts and spirits.

I also believe that though we lovers of music may not ever gain notoriety or fame- we are so much more blessed (and thankful) for this gift than the world may ever know. I believe that some of us were there, singing with the angels to herald the birth of Christ. I believe we will be singing again in heaven among the angels and the great composers of all times.

I see this love of music in my children- they may have different musical taste in some ways, but they too have been blessed with spirits open to the message and peace of music. I like to imagine us singing side by side at Christ's birth and through eternity.

Here are a few more of the pictures Jim took today- I was hoping for a picture of the entire choir and orchestra, but here's what we got... (my sweet husband does not take the best pictures, but at least he is there, always loving and supporting me.... in fact tonight when I thanked him again for being there he got quite emotional (teary) and told me how much he loves seeing me living my dream)....

This is me and a friend from choir. Her name is Carol and she just came up and asked us to take a picture with her. She's really nice and interesting. She has shared some really cool stuff about her heritage... some personal writings and items. I just love her! I am glad to be her friend (a couple of the ladies are not very nice to her... they are obviously wealthy and a little uppity, but I'm sure they'll come around....)

This next picture is one Jim took during a part where I and about 5 other ladies were singing. It was a part for "a few, angelic voices".... I was pretty excited to be one of the angels.... we all know how I LOVE angels!

These last couple of pictures show a little more of the group and a little of the orchestra.... and

a little more of the beauty of the building.

I want all my children and grandchildren to know that a big part of me is the love of music... and it is my fervent hope that they all develop that love and they are able to experience the pure joy of music in their lives.

posted by a "singing Gramma"

Growing "Older" Pains...

So this past week has been a bit challenging. Jim had a physical for the first time in years (the first since we've been married)- Yeah, he sees pain doctors all the time and has been in for colds and "stuff"- but this was an actual physical.

He also had a sleep study done, recommended by his pain care doctor because he has basically exhausted all sleep aids/medicines to no avail.

The major things we have found so far is that his cholesterol is sky high (no surprise for all of us who know and love him)... he LOVES his junk food! He's seeing our primary doctor about that tomorrow.

Then, the sleep study showed two things going on with him. First of all his oxygen is dangerously low. He will be getting some oxygen to use within the next couple of days. Second- he averages 50 apnea episodes an hour when he is "sleeping".... (you call THAT sleeping!?).... so he will be fitted with a CPap machine. Guess we'll look like twinners when we sleep...he he. His and Hers sleep hoses!

Anyway- all this has made me look at our lives and how we eat and what we do and we have both decided it is past time to work on our health. I have already started back on the NutriSystem diet that was so successful for me before with my doctor's complete support and blessing! Jim is working on cutting back a little at a time. I'm sure after he sees our doctor tomorrow he will be told he'll have to make some major dietary changes. He eats a lot of candy and ice cream and not much meat or protein. He likes tacos, pizza, potatoes... you know all that stuff that we should be avoiding. (Me?- I love hamburgers, pasta, and fried chicken... gonna hafta give 'em up though)-- we'll only allow ourselves to indulge once in a great while. At least that is the plan. Jim is already struggling.... but we'll keep working on it. We have so many grandchildren and such wonderful family---we want to make our lives as quality and LONG as possible!

On a different note... we had ward conference today and I swear the Stake Presidency talks were aimed right at me! They were wonderfully moving and inspiring. I am making it a goal to "dive back into my spirituality" --- read the scriptures more--- pray more consistently--- and work to become the me I am meant to be! I think I have gotten a little lazy about spirituality- kinda riding along on my testimony without really working at it. I have truly been blessed in my life and I want to dedicate more time and effort and thought to showing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father.

The RS president asked about my dad today and about Brooke and about Jim and she said she is amazed that I stay so cheerful with all that is going on... and I realized that I really have been blessed with an ability to be cheerful and see the positive. This is a gift given to me following a long road of trials and challenges and not saying I still don't get down or have negative thoughts or feelings from time to time, but overall I AM happy. And THAT is truly what life is about. I love life! This has been a kind of epiphany- this realization of the joy that is in my heart and soul. I remember a time thinking I would never feel joy or happiness again... and praying so hard for Heavenly Father's guidance and patience.... and He has blessed me... I think it has been happening a little at a time for several years now and it just took me a while to understand and recognize the work of His hands.

And what better stage of life to recognize such joy than this stage of being a gramma.... I grew up thinking I was born to be a mom and oh how I have loved being a mom, but being a gramma is a whole new world and I absolutely LOVE IT!

My two oldest grandchildren- Blake and Mikey (a few years ago) We have older ones on Jim's side- but these were the first two in my life- they're only a couple months apart in age and their coming into my life changed my outlook and my heart in ways I could never imagine! Love you to pieces boys!!! Love ALL the grandkids to pieces!!

Well- 'til next week.... posted by a grateful gramma and daughter of Heavenly Father.