Forgiving and Forgetting - a work in progress

So, I promised myself to blog every Sunday and here I am not prepared with any fun pictures or anything.... but I have been thinking a lot about the hard work involved in forgiving and forgetting. Through scripture research, soul search, prayer and much pondering and referring to the wise words of Bill McKee (my wonderful friend and counselor) I came to realize the following.
First of all- forgiving does not mean condoning or accepting the behavior of another. I was stuck for a long time thinking if I forgave the ones who had so deeply betrayed and hurt me and my children that I was somehow letting myself and my sense of truth and righteousness down. Looking at it now, I am amazed what a grip the adversary had on my heart - through trickery and using my own sense of right and wrong. Also- it is not necessary to wait for an apology (that may never come) to forgive someone. And it is true- after diligently seeking and praying to forgive I did finally reach a point where there is peace in my heart. I have learned to pray in love and compassion for those who I needed to forgive. I found it is impossible to harbor anger and hurt towards someone I was praying for. I have been blessed with the ability to accept that I love these people regardless of all that happened and I am a much happier person because I have accepted that.
This may seem simple to a lot of people, but when you are in the midst of despair and pain, you can loose sight of the simple principles. It is at these times we need to lean heavily on the love of our Savior and Heavenly Father in order to work through it all.
Next- forgetting doesn't mean "forgetting" . I was really stuck on this one... I mean, how do you forget? The way we forget is by learning to live well in spite of the pain or betrayal. We forget by not holding onto the anger and hurt. Yes, these experiences, this pain will always be a part of who we are, but we can live beyond the bad stuff by taking stock of the joy and all the blessings we are granted. This came to me in a sweet moment of personal revelation and it was as though a great weight lifted off my shoulders. My heart sang with joy when I found that I could forgive and that I could forget in the sense of living my life as well as I possibly can.
Now- once I achieved my goal to forgive I thought I was home free... oh so wrong! Forgiving is a continual work in progress. It is easy to let a moment of doubt or a perceived slight send you spiraling right back down into pain and despair...and resentment. The first time it hit me (after thinking I had finally been able to forgive and move on)- my heart sank and I despaired that I was somehow doomed to be this sad-angry-hurt person forever. Then again, through prayer and beseeching the Lord, I found the sweet sense of forgiveness and realized that just because you overcome or accomplish something once doesn't mean you can fall back and let that carry you. Being Christ-like, being a person of joy and love and forgiveness is something that takes constant work, dedication and a lot of "self-talk"... as Bill used to say, "change the tape in your head"... and believe me, that old Satan will constantly hammer at those tender spots in your heart and spirit-I can go along for a year or so thinking I'm in this great place and WHAM!- something happens that brings it all boiling up again- these are the times I turn to Heavenly Father on my knees asking for His forgiveness and guidance so I can find my peace again.... and I am reminded of one of my favorite songs that says--- we should be more gentle with ourselves- accept that we are on a mortal journey and when we slip a little, the hand of the Savior is just a prayer away.
Finally, I know that I want to live with joy and I want to deserve the forgiveness and compassion of others towards me, and to achieve that how can I myself not be forgiving and compassionate towards others? And so my goal in life is to be a "bringer of joy" and to extend love (and forgiveness when necessary) to all. After all- we are all God's children- yes? It's up to Him to judge- up to us to love.
Bye til next week! :)

July Fun In Pictures!! Great Memories!

Heather and kids came to stay for a few days. It was so fun and I just didn't want them to ever leave! Me 'n Mailei had a wonderful visit... we did some fun things... and this Gramma can't wait for the next grandchild to come and stay! "We had joy, we had fun....."

Donnie & Katie's kids are crazy fun! They really think it's fun to

wear Gramma's glasses and look like nerds! What a hoot!

Amanda's new baby- Tommy- and the girls and Heather's kids.

All my siblings and my parents!

Donnie Toomer; Liana Gutierrez; Brenda Spensley; Me; Susan Halterman

Douglas Freeman; Michael Rose; Mom (Mary Toomer); Daddy (Blake toomer)

I think my big orange shades were a hit! But check out all the others too!

Boy the kids all had a blast!

There were never such devoted sisters--- hee hee

Me - Tara - Liana - Clara Lee - struttin' our stuff!

AAARGHH!!!!

I have been trying and trying to post pictures for July but this darn thing just won't download them for some reason.... July was a fantabulous busy fun fun month.... hopefully will get pictures posted soon! Here is a brief outline of all the activities!

Heather & kids came for a few days the weekend of the 10th! It is so wonderful for Jim and I when our kids can make it here to visit!

Mailei stayed with us after Heather went home for another 4 days- we painted and had so much fun... and Mailei bonded with Scooter.

On the 17th, my younger sister Susan was sealed to my parents in Idaho Falls Temple... I went, Heather went, Donnie & Katie went.

I stayed with Donnie & Katie over the weekend of the 17th (had a blast!)

Heather and I visited Amanda and kids too! (In between all this other "stuff"!)

On the 24th we had the first Blake & Mary Toomer (my mom and dad) reunion at Bear Lake... all 6 of my siblings were there... tons of kids and grandkids... we had so much fun and plan to do this every year (I hope)......

And well now- we're well into August and I'm still fighting with posting pictures.... hope everyone else is having a great summer!

So- here it is another month gone by. And again we have been blessed many times over. On June 13th our 28th grandchild was born. A little boy- Thomas Dennis O'Connor. His parents are Tim and Amanda (she is Jim's youngest daughter). They have 3 girls already so they are extremely happy to have this little guy join their family- we all are!

For the 4th of July weekend we traveled to Pocatello to celebrate Mom Witt's birthday and Tommy's blessing. What a weekend we had!

First of all on Saturday Heather took our Subaru to Walmart for a new tire- while there the battery died and they tried to charge it up, but to no avail. The good news was it was a Walmart battery still under warranty so it was replaced. Heather got there a little after 9:00AM and was still there when we got to town around 12:30- so Jim dropped me off to wait for the car with her. It took about another half hour, then when we paid they over charged us-- and it took another 30 minutes or so for them to get it fixed. FINALLY- we got to Great Grandma's birthday party a little after 2:00 (it started at 2:00).

The party was great fun! We saw 24 of our 28 grandkids! We rarely get that many in one place these days so it was a wonderful treat...especially since it is so hard for Jim to travel. Two of Jim's brothers and their wives were there with more kids and grandkids- so all in all it was a fabulous party!

We got up Sunday and got ready to go to Idaho Falls for Tommy's blessing and on our way out of town we got another flat tire! This time on our Honda! (And don't ya just hate those donut spares- can't go more than a few miles on them) We got it over to Walmart and we ended up putting on 2 tires. We had recently put 2 on the front and were told besides the one that was flat (& totally ruined)- the other one on the back probably wouldn't make it 10 miles it was so threadbare.... BUMMER!!! We had not budgeted for the extra car expenses this month but what do ya do?

By the time everything was fixed we had completely missed the blessing- we were so disappointed! We went back to Jim's mom's so he could lay down for a while then headed home with both cars. Jim was nervous about the Subaru making it (it has other problems)- so we never went over 65 mph...UGH!!! Long, long, long drive! But we made it home and Monday we just kinda vegged! hee hee

Looking back at our weekend I have to chuckle... it is just like life. No matter how meticulously you may plan things- sometimes you get things thrown at you unexpectedly and you gotta roll with the throw! But beyond all the trials or all the surprises- you can always count on the Lord to send blessings and silver linings. And if you stack them up side by side- the blessings will always tower over the struggles...

I know- I know- sometimes it is very hard to see that- but through perseverence, faith, prayer, and patience- the truth will come shining through.

Sheesh!!- I kinda got off track, but that's what I do best! Anyway- here are a few random pictures from this weekend (I couldn't possibly post them all!) Enjoy!

This is the newest addition to the family- Tommy Heather - Maddy- and Molly- fun in the water and the sun! Katrina and Tabitha- 2nd youngest- born in Dec. Kyriahna and Jolanna - loving sisters

Tanner- throwing ball at Gramma- saying you can't take my picture!

Sam and Mikey- getting along for once! Notice however they are pinching each other's shoulders! Typical boys they are!

Memorial Day

Another Memorial Day has come and gone.... my mind struggles to comprehend that it has been 11 years since Mike passed away. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday- and sometimes it seems like forever ago. Life has been full of blessings and love for me, with my sweet husband, Jim and all our kids and grandkids, but I do still miss Mike. I guess I always will.

Anyway- here are some pics and some memories from this Memorial Day- 2010---

Remembering Mike- decorating with his favorite colors- red and white- coca cola colors!
Rest well my sweet and I'll "See You In The Morning" ....

My sister Liana and I went to Bear Lake to do some work for our mom. We took Jaimen and Mikey to help out. Our plan was to clean out her room (she's border-line hoarder I swear), but we only managed to get about a box and a half of her "stuff" cleaned out. She has so many little knick knacks and memorabilia (Elvis, Tweety, bowling, etc.) She had fallen a couple weeks earlier into her closet and it scared us all, so hopefully now she can move around and even rest a little easier. We cleaned and dusted and vacuumed and set up a new bed Dad got her for her birthday. It was fun, but exhausting and time well spent!

This is Daddy (Grampa Toomer) posing with the boys. Mikey had a great time visiting with his older cousin.... he has always looked up to Jaimen. Both the boys were really good- I'm glad we had them with us. Liana and I of course loved spending time together!

And this is Mikey with Mom (Gramma Toomer). I think seeing us and the boys really cheered her up. She was a little feisty about her room- but since Liana and I are "bigger" than her we got enough accomplished- hee hee. Seriously- she was kinda having a hard time, but we convinced her to declutter so she could get around easier. I only wish we could have boxed up lots more!

Monday morning Mailei and I met Brady for breakfast at Butter Burrs.... we had a blast. I am so happy with Brady these days. I mean I always have been, but he is looking so much happier and more at peace since moving back to Pocatello. He is a good young man and my prayer is that someday he will remember how special he is and return to activity in the Church. It does make me really happy though that he has what he calls a really "good relationship" with Heavenly Father.

The only down side of the weekend was not having time with Donnie, Katie and the boys. They went to Island Park and although I was hoping to have time with them it just didn't work out. Hopefully I can get down there soon and spend a couple days just with them!!! I miss my boys-need to have a "gramma date" with them!

I also need to find time with our kids on Jim's side - there just is never enough time when I travel these days. We're hoping to get Jim's car back home so he's not just "stuck" here when I go, then I can take a little more time with my trips.... (((sigh)))

Well-gonna go for now- posted with love by a very grateful gramma!

Procrastination!

Yup-it's been a few months since I blogged. I am the world's worst (or maybe "best") procrastinator! So-to get back in the swing of things I thought I'd start with something fun and simple.
One of my favorite things to do with grandkids when they visit is go to Chucky Cheese. I LOVE it-and I think they kinda like it too- hee hee.
Anyway-here are some pictures of a couple of visits...enjoy.... the most recent are with Donnie & Katie's boys-Blake, Carter, Haedon and Nash just this last April. Following those are pictures with Heather & Mike's kids... Mikey, Mailei and Maddy in 2008. (Hey Heather- we need to get Molly to Chucky Cheese for a picture with Gramma!)

It's just so fun! I just love building moments and memories with my grandkids- what more could anyone ask for? My cup does indeed runneth over with abundance and the wealth of family love!

A New Year - A New Decade!

So- 2009 has come and gone and what a year it was! Probably the most significant event of the year was my Gramma Clark turning 100 on the 4th of September. Still going strong - although her mind wanders a bit, she is basically healthy and very happy. As I've said so often before- she is and always has been my hero- the "wind beneath my wings". I've been so blessed to have her as my Gramma- her strength, her love, her guidance- her kind, patient assurance has been an anchor throughout my life. I love her so much.


Here she is on her birthday with my other hero, my beautiful daughter, Heather.

We also had a couple more baptisms-(that makes 8 out of 27 grandkids)- Alex (our oldest granddaughter) was chosen to participate in the National Special Olympics this coming July- some of our kids faced the upheaval of job changes- and we topped the year off by adding a new grandbaby on the 9th of December! Tabitha Grace Witt joined her family of Dad (Jon), Mom (Katrina) and 4 brothers (Sam, Jacob, Ben and Aaron)- it will be interesting to watch her grow! It' so fun watching them all grow!










This is Tabitha- isn't she a beauty?








My mom struggled a lot this past year with her health. It has been scary for her and for all of us who love her so much. Here's hoping 2010 will bring her strength, health and all the joy she so deserves at this stage and age of her life. (Love you Mom!)



I would say this year has also been one of spiritual growth for me. I have learned to appreciate so much the many, many blessings in my life. I have pondered, studied and gained a new perspective on my own purpose and mission here in this life. (I have a lot of work to do there)

Although I struggle accepting or coming to terms with my age- (that number REALLY doesn't compute)- I am thoroughly enjoying this stage of life called gramma. I can't even imagine what life would be without my grandchildren. Getting to know them each- their own personalities and quirks- is a joyous journey which I hope to last many, many more years!

So- come on 2010! Come on new decade! Let's play and laugh and work and live this wonderful, wonderful life!